5 Etiquette Mistakes Writers Commit
Or, How My Friends And I Have Stepped In It
I recently asked writers to tell me the unwritten rules they follow to avoid offending their colleagues in the publishing industry. Here are five things you should never do as a writer, along with some tips on how to handle these etiquette crimes.
1. Criticizing books
When I published my first novel, Where Futures End, I was in an online group of other debut writers, and our biggest blow-up was over starred ratings. Some writers were incredibly hurt and angry that other writers in the group had given their books four stars on Goodreads instead of five. I once tried to explain this sentiment to a friend. She replied, “Four stars means the book was good! It means I liked it!” And yet, four stars isn’t five stars. “But I only give five stars to a book that is absolutely earth-shatteringly good!” she said. To which I answered, “Are you saying my book isn’t absolutely earth-shatteringly good?” To everyone else, it sounds neurotic. But to many writers, having someone rate their book is like having someone rate their child or their darling dog (“Cute enough but kind of meh.” See?).
Ultimately, publishing is a small industry. Writers don’t want to be on a panel with another writer who called their book “meh.” Writers don’t feel inclined to blurb or boost a book by a writer who previously called their work “mid.” And writers have long memories when it comes to even mild criticism. I can still recite a line of criticism from a query letter I received decades ago. If you want to be on the best terms possible with other writers (and in an industry this small, you do), don’t ever criticize someone else’s published book.
You might think I’m overstating this, but when I asked my writer friends which etiquette rules they follow, almost every single person who replied said they never review other writers’ books online, or they only review positively. All writers go through many, many rounds of criticism before their book is published. No one seems to want to go through another round after publication, especially with a fellow writer who they would hope would understand that feeling.
To avoid this faux-pas, I only ever post what I like about a book, even if I don’t like the book overall. Most of the time I only post about books before I read them and I just say, “I’m excited to read this one!” I want to help promote my fellow authors’ books, but I don’t want to be one more person who is cutting them down in a process that often feels like all knives all the time.
2. Signing books you didn’t write
At an event for my novel The Echo Room, a reader asked me to sign her copy of the book, and then she asked the author next to me (my friend, Traci) to sign it as well. Traci had interviewed me as part of the event, so it made sense to me that we would both sign the book, as a sort of souvenir of the event. But Traci said she couldn’t sign a book she hadn’t written. I was surprised, never having encountered this situation or this sentiment, and assured her I didn’t mind. We settled on a decision that made the most sense to all of us, which was having Traci sign the acknowledgements page at the back of the book, next to where I had thanked her for her support. But since then, I’ve realized that it’s very important to some writers that they only ever sign their own work and it’s equally important to them that no other creatives sign their work either. I personally don’t care if someone else signs a copy of my book, but I do respect other writers’ feelings on this.
I think when you give someone a book as a gift, it’s fine to write a note on the title page of the book and sign that (“I hope you love this as much as I did! Love, Parker”). But generally, it’s best to steer clear of signing anything that you didn’t create, as it gives the impression that you’re taking credit for creating it.
3. Not crediting artists
So many people work on a book before it goes to publication, and it’s strange that there isn’t always a formal way to credit them. When I published my first novel, Where Futures End, acknowledgements were very new for novels (although not for non-fiction books) and I didn’t include them in the back of the book. Cover artists do get credited inside the book, but it’s still great to credit them during online cover reveals. Writers never used to do this, probably because there isn’t really any specific instance in which writers are expected to credit any other members of their publishing team (editors, publicists, etc.). But now it’s expected that when writers share a cover for the first time, or post anything that focuses specifically on cover art (“I love the way this character looks on my cover!”), they credit the artist. I think that’s a great practice to boost our fellow creatives, and I try to do the same with the narrators who read my audio books.
I’ve also learned that many picture book writers find it important not to refer to a book as “my book” because it discounts the artist. Whenever my picture-book-writing friends talk about a work they’ve written, they credit the artist and try to refer to the book as “our book.” This is beyond my realm of experience, but it makes sense to me!
4. Saying the word “Amazon”
I used to work in an independent bookstore, during which time I went to many bookseller events. I quickly learned that booksellers hate Amazon so much they often don’t even refer to it by name, instead using the term “big river.” Once, I mentioned looking up a book on Amazon and a bookseller gave me a cold glare and said something about how she never uses the site in any way. I’m joking when I say that writers must never say the word, but I’m quite serious about how aware writers should be about the enmity between Amazon and indies.
Specifically, writers should avoid committing the etiquette crime of including “buy links” on their author websites that lead only to Amazon. At the bookstore where I worked, I helped field requests from authors who wanted to do events with us to promote their books. One of the first things we would do when we got this kind of request was to look up information about the author on their website. If we noticed that their website included “buy links” that directed readers to Amazon but no links that directed readers to Bookshop.org or Indiebound or a local bookstore, we wouldn’t agree to host an event. Why? Because independent bookstores operate on very thin margins, thanks in part to Amazon, which sells books at a loss in order to bring in other sales traffic. Independent bookstores hate Amazon, and it’s painful to see authors ask for a bookstore’s support only to give all of their own support to a company that makes bookstores suffer.
On my own website, I tend to link to my publisher’s webpage for my books, which includes links to a lot of different ways readers can buy books. If your book isn’t currently stocked by physical bookstores, it’s fine to link only to Amazon. Otherwise, it’s best to link to indies as well.
5. Asking someone whether they’ve read your book
I’m really sociable and I love meeting new people and getting local authors together for hangouts, so I have a lot of writer friends. There is just no way, no way, I could read every book published by every one of those friends. Likewise, I don’t expect my author friends to read my books. But we also don’t talk about whether we’ve read each other’s books.
It’s true that you can love and support your writer friends and never read a word they write. And it’s true you can respect your colleagues without ever picking up their books. But it feels awkward to admit to someone that you haven’t read their book. So it’s best not to put a fellow writer on the spot like this, even if you personally don’t mind whether they’ve read your work. (It’s also best not to ask non-writers whether they’ve read your book, but I think writers are less tempted to do this.)
I have a way of countering this question to side-step awkwardness. Whenever someone asks me if I’ve read a book that I know I haven’t read, I never say “no.” Instead, I say, “Not yet.” Even if the odds are that I’ll never read that particular book, it just sounds nicer than to imply that I don’t care about their work (or their friend’s work, or whatever may be the case).
Let’s talk more about what makes us uncomfortable
I love talking about my past cluelessness and present anxiety about interacting with other publishing professionals. Which topic should I discuss in a future newsletter?
I’d love to hear about the etiquette rules you follow or break! I know there are a lot of “best practices” for writers, but I tried to keep this article focused specifically on etiquette. Feel free to add your advice or debate mine.